My Insight into Kanya-dana

 

This write-up is in response to a request. Mother of a girl wrote to me: “My daughter says she is not an object that can be given. She is reluctant to go through the ritual of Kanya-dana. Hence, I request you to explain your insight into Kanya-dana.”

Unfortunately, many present day Hindus are ignorant of their own rich cultural and spiritual heritage. Many do not understand the significance of practices of our tradition. Moreover, there are forces that misinterpret our tradition to serve their own ulterior motives. Many youngsters fall prey to such interpretations and criticise our own practices.

It is not easy to understand the subtle and profound practices and symbolisms of Hindus if we look at them from a Eurocentric perspective. There is a great degree of asymmetry between our traditions and the western culture. The modern people fail to understand the Hindus because they try to calibrate everything using western yardstick. Therefore, I request the youngsters to keep their westernised perspective away and try to look at Hindu practices from a different perspective.

The Hindu scriptures accord a highly adorable position to women. “Where women are honoured, there revel the devatas” – thus says the great sage Manu. It is a King’s duty to protect the financial interests and independence of a single woman like a widow. (Ref. Manu-smriti 8.28)

This also falsifies the claim of the westerners that Sati system used to be a Hindu practice. If a woman is supposed to be burnt, how can her financial interest be safeguarded! Also, there is not a single mention of Sati system in the scriptures!

The Rishis of the past also understood that women need special protection, as they do not have the same physical strength as men. Hence, it is the duty of her father, husband, and son to protect her during her childhood, youth, and old age respectively. A woman is not encouraged to stay on her own, as she needs support and protection. (Manu 9.3) The word used in Manusmrti is svatantrya. If we analyse the context, it means to be on one’s own without anyone to protect, as she needs support and protection. The modern intellectuals misinterpret such words. Then Manu sounds ridiculous. The word used against it is rakshati – ­which means protection. Hence swatantrya means living with no protection. Both father and husband are responsible to facilitate education of the woman, duly ensuring her protection.

With this background, let us try to understand the concept of Kanya-dana. The word is made of two words – kanya and dana. According to Mahabharata, kanya is a woman who is free to choose her husband. A woman is free to choose her husband, as long as she does not transgress the values of Dharma.  (Refer Mahabharata Vanaparva 307.13) Therefore, kanya is not an object to be given. An object does not have the freedom to choose with who it must stay. A kanya is a human being and she has freedom to choose. There are several instances of Svayam-vara in our ancient texts that bear testimony to a woman’s freedom in our tradition. However, it is her parents' duty to facilitate and guide her while choosing a life partner. It is always good to seek counsel from elders while making crucial decisions in life. 

"Wife is one's friend made by the divine", say Mahabharata (Vanaparva 313.72). One does not receive a friend as a gift or donation. Also, a friend is not treated as an object in possession.

Then what does dana mean? Generally, it is used in the sense of giving. The meaning does not hold good here. Dana is derived from the root ‘daa’. A root can have several meanings in sanskrit. A word changes its meaning with context. It is true in every language. In this context, it can be understood as the process of handing over the duty of protection.

This meaning will become evident if we take a closer look into the ritual of Kanya-dana. It is just a part of wedding ceremony – vivaha. It is not the whole ceremony. There are many other rituals associated with vivaha.

During the ritual of kanya-dana, the bride’s father asks the bridegroom to protect the interests of the bride and be a responsible husband. Then the bridegroom in return makes a promise to both bride and her father that he will not transgress the duties of a husband. He also promises that he will not leave her and will not go against her wishes. This is the gist of the mantras that are chanted during the process of Kanya-dana.

In some civilizations, women were sold for a price. Our dharma-shastras plainly condemn such acts. A woman cannot be sold. Nor can she be given as an object. Hence, we do not find woman listed among things that can be given as dana! The formalities and rituals associated with offering things to deserving ones is very much distinct from that of kanya-dana.

Kanya-dana is a beautiful concept unique to our tradition. The Hindus neither sold their women nor asked them to fend for themselves. Women were protected and adored. Sanatana Dharma is all for respect and protection to women.